I want every trace of it gone.
I turn up the heat
until the water is warm
on my soft skin.
When I close my eyes
I cringe
because I remember.
Turning the heat up,
the water is slightly stinging.
Not one time did I ever
say that I wanted you.
So I have the comfort
of thinking that it wasn't me.
The steam starts to pour out
from behind the curtains.
The hot droplets roughly pat
the bruises on my back.
I open my eyes
and realize that the pain
is inviting.
What's left of my makeup
runs down my cheeks
carrying the tears
I'm still shedding
into the drains.
Turn it up
all the way.
I let myself smile
as my back is scalded.
I asked for this pain.
I'm still in control.