I've been hating myself so much lately
On a molecular level, there are certain things that .make us who we are and I've tried hard to change but I revert back to old ways really easily
**** , it's a cop out to say I was made like this, if I wasnt wouldn't I be able to change by now?

Or maybe I'm not trying hard enough
The things that scare me from changing my depression to contentment are the same things that scare from changing who I am and how I act
So I guess I'm saying my depression controls who I am and how I act
Forever
because it never  really goes away..,

Isn't that a sad thought?

So it's on me because really if I attempted to leave the comfort of depression and really try to fight it I wouldn't be so prone to self sabotage. It's a paradox because the Sabatoge itself causes depression to grow stronger

I dont wanna wallow in self pity (even tho----I'm really good at it)


**** I'm just high and sad always just high and sad