This is me we're talking about, me of all people.
Who am I to think, to fantasise, to dream, to hope?
It just doesn't make any sense. It just won't be.
I cut myself off from anyone I can before it happens.
I just want to be free, to be oblivious again to the point
That it stops hurting me. I just want to get out of it.
I don't want to hold a candle for you or for anyone.
This is why I lied to myself, lied to anyone who listened
Because I knew what happens to those who give in.
I gave in four years ago and I thought that was good.
I thought giving in would heal me but it made matters
Worse. It unravelled all these yearnings and wants.
Please just take me back to the young girl I was.
The adamant young girl who never spoke of love
Or desire, or a future. I haven't long left, or so I hoped.
I used to hope that I wouldn't live long to save myself.
I didn't want to admit I don't like it here, I didn't want
To admit to those that matter that I was a liar.
Sometimes, these days, I just don't want to be awake.
I want to close my eyes and escape to the deepest realm
Where reality doesn't get a look in, where my hopes die.
If being a liar is what it takes for me to become cold again,
So be it. Let me lie, let me hurt myself and keep my distance.