benjamin franklin was created by benjamin franklin one of his most ingenious inventions you could never read all the books about him when you finish one, two more have been written i party in his colossal footsteps thanks ben, for lending me all those volumes from your library you invented bifocals, i see clearly your stove warms my heart i give away my **** too -- no patents for me either let’s jam sometime on your glass armonica i’m packing one of your divided soup bowls on my next ocean trip i’m sick of losing my clam chowder to the waves these terms you added to the lexicon: "battery," "positive," "negative," "conductor," "discharge" i’m positive i bought a battery the other day you designed the first penny – only now an anachronism no matter how many of those saved pennies have been earned all those aphorisms, my god i bet you mumble them in your sleep you started the philosophical society, me the secret music society you studied whirlwinds and gulf streams when sailing to london for a cup of coffee you designed flippers, hung onto a kite for windsurfing used the kite to summon lightning invite me next time you blow up a thunder house with an ungrounded lightning rod we’ll make pittsburgh tremble and congrats on the grounded lightning rods you saved millions of people and neutralized religion it’s not the deadly finger of god, the vengeance of the lord it’s just a buzz lighting the streets at night comes in handy though the night watchman concept has gotten a bit fascist brokering the french alliance was stellar for our onion soup supply but your suggestion that we unite these states i’m not sure that one’s gonna stick and thomas jefferson was a cockblocker we declare independence from his scolding us for all our mademoiselles