you will never know of the irreparable damage you have done to me.
you will never know because you have never really looked at me.
you are dull because of his death.
you are dull because of cigarettes burning you from the inside out.
you are dull because of your losses.
you tear into me with your words and then,
you come back minutes later to ask for an apology.
you expect things to be okay but you will never know of the irreparable damage you have done to me.
you make me cry and even question life.
you make me think about wishes I should never wish.
you make me wish it was your funeral I attended 3 years ago instead of his but,
you will never know me.
you have never shown any desire to know the inner workings of me nor do you currently.
how is it that one person can make you both question life and also realize that it is worth living?
you make me realize that there are better people out there.
you make me realize that I don't have to put up with this nonsense.
you make me realize that if I really wanted to I go to the kitchen and get a knife.
you will never know me because I am not an apple that has fallen from your tree.
I am a completely different fruit that you.
But like a fruit, I am beautiful on the outside while slowing rotting from within.
I rot because of you.
Your words.
Your glares.
Your mocking tone.
Your 1950's attitude.
Your actions.
Your presence.
You.
I will never say I love you because that would be the worst lie of all.
You have the same blood as me but that does not make us family, that merely makes us related.