I thought if I hide the pain
It would go away,
I thought if I put on a smile
No one would notice,
And they never did.
So... each day continued
Just as it would yesterday,
I get picked on
And called names,
They just stood there
And watched me
get shoved to the ground
Or kicked about,
Day after day.
I watched them turned their backs,
I watched my friends walk away,
No one came to see if I was okay,
I got up every time and ran to the bathroom
To draw my tears,
I would be in there for hours and hours..
And no one would notice that
I was missing,
That was when I knew
I wasn't worth anything,

There were times when I didn't want to go to school,
Times I pretended to be sick,
Times I wanted to run away,
And times I wish that I was never here,
I wished and wished
That I could be someone else,
Someone who wasn't sad all the time,
Someone who was brave and strong
To fight back,
Someone who wasn't afraid of what she saw.....
When facing the mirror,
Someone who didn't want to erase her future,
Someone like Aalyiah...
Or Anna,
Those are the popular girls at school,
They are the ones who make me feel
Inferior.

They would spread lies
About me,
Saying that I have slept with over a hundred different guys,
And how I have contracted some kind of a disease,
"But it isn't true.."
I would tell them,
But who would believe
someone like me??
They stared at me with
hatred and disgust,
So much that I wanted...
I wished I could just.........
disappear,
Then maybe....
I wouldn't feel this way.

U see...
I never told my mom
Cause I thought she'll only
Make it worse,
I kept it to myself,
I kept it inside,
I didn't want it to be
Anyone else's problem,

It got so bad..
Overtime,
That I resorted to cutting my wrist,
Once a day..
Sometimes even twice,
I did it to distract myself
From the pain within.
This was the only thing..
I had control over..
The only thing that made me feel
A little better...
About myself..
I thought that if it hurt
Outside,
I wouldn't feel so broken,
But that's not what happened.
Was it??

I began to hate myself even more,
I hated what I had done to me..,
I.....
I Destroyed my beauty
Simply by believing in what they had said,
I straightened my hair
I bleached my skin
I cutted my wrist
I starve myself everyday,
With hopes of getting that perfect looking body,
I just wanted to be accepted,
But NO matter what I did,
I was always....
Always turned away....,
No one took the time to notice that I was afraid,
No one saw the pain revealed through my eyes,
No one knew that I wanted tomorrow to be better than today..
That I was just little girl who needed their love and support..
No one knew anything..
Or maybe they just didn't care..

I said my goodbyes
When no one was listening,
I went to my room
Took a knife with me
And began the cutting process,
With every slice I made
I had to do another
I couldn't stop myself,
It was like I was erasing all the pain,
All the hurtful memories,
It was like a being born again,
A blank plate being handed to me,
And whenever I stopped....
It all came back
In one flash;
The pain
The memories
The names
All of it,
I just couldn't handle it
The emotions
The feelings,
They all came back,
And I wasn't ready for that,
So with the knife pressed
Against my wrist,
I pushed down harder than before
And it went in deep...
Too deep.

I laid there in my own blood,
In sorrow
And somewhat comfortable
like I was going home,
Look at what I had done to myself,
Living on their lies and deception,
It was too late to go back in time,
To change everything...

They then came running through my bedroom door..
Screaming my name..
Asking me...
All these questions,
Asking me why?
Telling me to keep my eyes open..
As I slip into my death...
Who knew this would be my last time..
Drawing the knife across my skin...??

I showed you alot of signs
That I needed you...
But you didn't read between the invisible lines..
U never looked up at me..
U Never saw my eyes...