(I live in Cali, Colombia)

1.  My sketchy run-in with the cute gluehead.
2.  You say you’re armed, my girlfriend says you can’t have my camera.
3.  I guess I’m bilingual, but man do I feel stupid right now.
4.  No, coworker, I don’t feel like sharing with you why I’m going hiena in the break room. (culprit)
5.  What a pain that I don't remember your name.
6.  I ate my brains for breakfast with onion, tomato, and toast.
7.  If my daydreams were broad cast right now your boyfriend would probably hurt me.
8.  You, my friend, are my friend.
9.  Just dropped a drumstick 3 songs into our very first gig.    
10.  No sir I don’t want to buy that gun...oh...what’s that?  You’d like the contents of my pockets?
11.  My pleasant walk to wherever.
12.  Clandestine house-party tonail clipping session.
13.  My beard is doing a fantastic ashtray impersonation.
14.  Beérjá vu.
15.  “Um...did I really just say that?"
16.  ****** moment #247.
17.  Well well welcome to ***** Wonka’s South American silicone factory.
18.  Are my neighbors being cold because they know I puked in their front garden?
19.  Everyone is staring at me...must be time for a haircut.
20. ”Is this who I’m supposed to be?"