The other day I heard a noise,
an eeky squeaky tiny voice
And when I searched around the house
I apt to find a little mouse

And as he spoke he said to me
I come from Clacton by the Sea
My name is Pierre Lafayette
and I can play the clarinet

And as we sat there on the floor
he played me “Stranger On the Shore”
Each note he played was smooth as silk,
he sounded just like Acker Bilk

I sat there the whole afternoon
As I listened to each bewitching tune
A true master of the liquorice stick
This maestro rodent cleaver ****

Then in a flash the mouse departed,
but left a stink, I think he’d farted
And all he left was the smell of cheese
From his pungent odious **** breeze

So if you’re sat there in the house
and come across a little mouse
Don’t be scared and start to fret,
it could be Pierre Lafayette.