May 2019
To whom it may concern,
Please keep an unbiased opinion on what you’re about to read.
I promise this is not what you think it is even if it seems to be.
And everything is never as it seems.
This is more than an admission that I’ve gotten myself under control.
Please don’t doubt me.
Why are you looking at me like that?
You’d be shocked to find out that I’m as good as I say I am
And I’ve been remembering to take my medicine.
I know you’re laughing. Why are you laughing?
I just meant that If good things happen to bad people then I must be a saint
Because misery loves company and despair and misfortune
It does not discriminate
Before your roll your eyes please let me explain.
I’m trying to tell you that you’ll be happy to know i let go of the shadow that only comes out in the night time
It’s easier to write myself into the dusty books in my closet that I finally got myself to read than write about what has brought me to the exit of a street that never felt like home to me.
because I’m afraid of how my life will play out.
Please understand what I mean.
I already know these stories now so it’s easier to imagine myself with an ending that wasn’t by my own hand.
And I’m afraid I’m not strong enough to find that my end is where I began.
Hitting my head on the bathroom floor again.
That’s not how this was suppose to go.
I’m sorry
That concludes my letter
I guess I’m trying to say that
I see myself die in third person all the time and
I know I won’t get into to hell
Because purgatory has always been my security blanket.
I’ll send you a post card. Wish me well.
This is the part where you’d be bewildered to find out this is a letter to my bathroom mirror
because it’s always easier to lie when you’re not looking someone in the eyes.
And I was strong enough to look up
And say that I can finally admit it to myself that The sadness came and it didn’t look like a stranger or the words that erupted like volcanoes from their vocal chords.
It looked like me with my eyes wide. Forgiving.
I think? At least I hope.
Please keep an unbiased opinion on what you’re about to read.
I promise this is not what you think it is even if it seems to be.
And everything is never as it seems.
This is more than an admission that I’ve gotten myself under control.
Please don’t doubt me.
Why are you looking at me like that?
You’d be shocked to find out that I’m as good as I say I am
And I’ve been remembering to take my medicine.
I know you’re laughing. Why are you laughing?
I just meant that If good things happen to bad people then I must be a saint
Because misery loves company and despair and misfortune
It does not discriminate
Before your roll your eyes please let me explain.
I’m trying to tell you that you’ll be happy to know i let go of the shadow that only comes out in the night time
It’s easier to write myself into the dusty books in my closet that I finally got myself to read than write about what has brought me to the exit of a street that never felt like home to me.
because I’m afraid of how my life will play out.
Please understand what I mean.
I already know these stories now so it’s easier to imagine myself with an ending that wasn’t by my own hand.
And I’m afraid I’m not strong enough to find that my end is where I began.
Hitting my head on the bathroom floor again.
That’s not how this was suppose to go.
I’m sorry
That concludes my letter
I guess I’m trying to say that
I see myself die in third person all the time and
I know I won’t get into to hell
Because purgatory has always been my security blanket.
I’ll send you a post card. Wish me well.
This is the part where you’d be bewildered to find out this is a letter to my bathroom mirror
because it’s always easier to lie when you’re not looking someone in the eyes.
And I was strong enough to look up
And say that I can finally admit it to myself that The sadness came and it didn’t look like a stranger or the words that erupted like volcanoes from their vocal chords.
It looked like me with my eyes wide. Forgiving.
I think? At least I hope.
