how do you let go of part of your soul? who you are and have been, forever… the need, the want, the hope, the sorrow all rolled into one persistent action. surging into burning buildings to save the lost, only ever has two outcomes: either, by God’s grace, we’re both saved or we’re destroyed in a fiery inferno. what purpose have i, if not to save those whose torment i know, oh so well? how can i see those i love suffer so without doing what i can to save them? can i turn up my nose to a brother in need? am i really so conceited to think that my life is worth more than risking to save those caught in their own sin and despair? i am less than myself if i could ever do so, yet, i am not whole even now…
God, I cry out to you, throughout the day and also the long, lonely nights I beg you to fill me with love and grace to ease the sorrow of my heart. Is this some test I must endure until I have breathed my last? Will it ever end? Oh, God, please tell me that I will not wander forever in the dark!
I will learn and grow, I will change and bend, Till my will is naught but Yours. On this night, cold and still, Sorrow has become a friend.