I never understood the world or life or love of what any of it meant.
I didn’t want to write a love story,
But I don’t want to lie about the importance and relevance of the love I had for people.
My life was always centered around me,
Every time it would start becoming about someone else
I lost myself and those were the doldrums,
The droughts, and the floods of frustration.
But now out of them with a clear view looking in,
Those are the times I give my past self a candy bar and a pat on the back
Because I got through every ‘*******’ the world shot at me without killing myself.
I still owe it to him.
I owe so many things to him.
We had a strange relationship
But the oddest thing about loving him was that I never wanted to touch him.
With every crush,
Every love interest I’ve ever had
I’ve always wanted the warmth of their body around me and
The touch of them on me
And I would daydream about it constantly.
But with him,
I never noticed until now
That I never had an urge to touch him
And even more so I was mentally incapable of imagining any situation where he loved me.
That sounds sad, but I’m not sad.
I love him.
I love you.
I love his soul and everything hiding within his piercing eyes
And to a degree where there was no physical interest
Because in this day and age that physicality has been ruined.
Plagued and poisoned with self-interest and insincerity.
I didn’t want his body, I wanted his soul
And his heart.
But it wasn’t up for auction and was he wasn’t bidding for mine.
I dont care, none the less.
I know I love him because those mutual feelings dont matter
Nor  does having him as mine physically and mentally.
I’m in love with him because he doesn’t love me
And I'm in love with him because he loves himself modestly
And that he speaks his mind and there are no things getting in the way of his thoughts.
But also because of his ignorance and everything that’s wrong with him,
In all of his innocence and childish ways I love him.
And because he listens to what I care about
And because he doesnt love me and I dont care.
I love him because he makes me better,
Even if I never see him again, he makes me better.
He makes life easier.
He makes hope brighter.
He makes me love him.
But, I said I didn't want to write a love story...