Turns out I hate you sometimes.
Just the way you can ruin my day.
The way you affect me.
Every day when you pick me up from work.
Somedays while you rant I'm thinking about
this dead end were in and panic.
I want to open the car door and roll into a field
of grass where I meet a travelling circus.
I leave with them and change my name.
But most of time I take second when you don't notice
and try to see the man I love.
Most of time he's easy to find.
Other times he's been replaced by the other person
I married.
The one who makes me feel small yet up until a moment or
so ago, I felt empowered and accomplished.
I think about strapping you to wall to throw darts at you.
I then want to untie you to feel your arms me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll finally decide to move out.
I need my freedom. I need to remember what that feels like.
Freedom.
Freedom from everything that matters to me now though.
We are the blind leading the blind on a confusing test filled with traps.
Statistically against us.
Reading a handbook written by actually no one.
Yet, again, this morning, I still love you like every day before.
I still don't know why.
But it's always been enough to try again.
Don't ask me why.
I don't think anyone really knows.