I hate this life. If anyone could understand. The feeling that you’re  the only one who suffers inside. Everyone lives there normal lives. But you’re trapped inside yourself. With feelings of hopelessness. When there’s no reason to feel how you feel. Everything is good but you feel like everything is falling apart. Nobody has a clue. I wonder if people I interact with on a daily basis feel the same. I can’t interact like regular people. Something holds me down. I wish there was someone who understood. If people had any idea what suffering is really like. They are so lucky. They are able to live regular lives and be happy. When for me everyday feels like an eternity. Like I’m swimming In an ocean, and my arms are tired of swimming. And I just want to drown. But I keep swimming in hope of seeing land. When you go to sleep in hope that you will stay sleeping. When you wake up wanting It to be night already. Everything people chase after seem meaningless to me. Nothing can fill me. There’s no point in chasing anything because everything is meaningless. If there’s anybody that feels the same. Please don’t give up. You arnt the only one. Please. It will get better. Have faith. You may feel like no one can compare to what you go through. Like everybody’s pain doesn’t compare to yours.  Have faith. What has helped me is having faith. That I can’t do it alone. But with God I can. I still have theses feelings. But I turn to God. I get comforted with reading the Bible. Any doubts I have God answers. He says don’t worry about your life, what you shall eat or drink. Look at the birds of the air. They neither sow nor reap. Yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. How much more you whom the father loves. He says before the creation of the universe he had planned you. He had you in mind and new every day of your life and had it planned. He cares so much for you that he knows how many individual hairs are on your head. He is in love with you and he loves you like if you were the only person alive. You are his treasure. Knowing this helps me when I feel hopeless. Because I know God loves me and he will take care of me. I fail him so many times. And I feel like the worst person ever. I feel like I do everything wrong. But He still loves me.
When I worry about the future or think how worthless I am because I can’t function like regular people. I turn to him. And he lets me know everything is okay.  He sent His only Son to die for me. That’s how much he loves me. I used to cut my arms and now I have been wearing long sleeves for 4 years. I am self conscious about my ears because I used to get bullied and I have long hair because of that, to cover my ears. I feel like I can’t do life like regular people because of my anxiety and depression. God is either gonna change my confidence to where I love myself how I am. Or he’s gonna help me through it. And right now he’s helping me through. Wake up knowing God has your back, even if sometimes you don’t believe it. Trust that He knows what he is doing with you. He made you, so He knows better. Dont lean on your own understanding, but trust God. And don’t give up please.