Stuffing my face with pizza playing fortnite to disassociate
Holding back tears from the fears of the memories that crying brings
And my dears they ask me if I’m okay I tell them to turn away I don’t want to be seen like this
******* sobriety whatever life I lead I’m afraid of what holds me down instead of loving what brings me up
Cigarettes on cigarettes chain smoking to hold me down
I need blunts ok on blunts and blunts my nostrils leak and my eyes are bleak
Light another one I don’t care if I choke I just need another ****
Wanna lay down and play dead feel like my futures always read my fates been coming since my childhood days
So many ways we try to change but always stagnant the future doesn’t change
I’m tryna rise up I don’t want them to see me fall
My suicide days are over I say my suicide days are over why do the tendencies follow me like this
I want bliss I borrow what happiness I can from tomorrow
I always say better days are coming we gotta fight for something but now I’m asking myself why I’m running
What am I running from why do I turn away why don’t I grab today by the neck and take back what was took from me yesterday
Medical bills pile up no car no job I’m in a rut
Dyslexia’s got my words jumbled I go mute I let my mind take a tumble
Trying to write so I can set my future right let the emotions flow let me understand what I’m feeling
Old words old poems old trains of thought running on that last steam
Imagine my friends die imagine my family tried imagine imagining everything you never want to happen
I ask what’s wrong with my brain why is it trained to show me flashbacks and screenshots of everything I try to forget
It’s like a mod podge of bad memories a compilation of bad tendencies a pattern trickling into my soul I sit and let it bleed
Clench my fists and I say no not again curl into a ball I do what I can
Just write and fight just write and fight just write down my thoughts as I fight with my brain