today
all the little yellow cubbies are full,
and i cannot breathe.
i'm walking
quickly
knees bending
boots scuffing
head down
my throat is closing
constricting
choking.
i can't remember how my face looks
i'm afraid the panic inside me
is creeping out
everyone
is looking
at me.

some kid
is sitting in my cubby
playing a game on his phone
not caring that i
NEED that cubby
i am lost
without it.
i want to pick him up
throw him out
run
away.

i go down one isle of books
up another...
trying to look
like i belong
my chest is a black hole
******* in all the faces
shoes
clothes
hair
multiplying them
until i cannot breathe
i can't ever just be me
i have to be
what they want to see


help.