I'm just watching tv
Innocently engaged
But I can't watch this anymore
After seeing that woman's face
It looked too much like my mother's...

The shiny, porous skin...
The red, wet, blue eyes
The veins standing out
Her hair, damp
Frazzled
Worried.
I'm scared to remember her face.

Sometimes,
I really miss my mom.
I miss her red cheeks,
Her frizzy, fluffy brown hair
Salted with grey...
I miss the funny sweaters she used to wear so often
The clogs she wore that clunked through the house
The sound of her needles,
Clinking together.
I miss her handwriting...
Her grocery lists
Her almond-shaped nails
The rough wrinkles on her knuckles
Her pants with the funny elastic.

And although I am almost 20 years old
I can still remember how it felt
To sit on her lap
To have her arms encircle me,
Hold me
Protect me
Love me.
And though she's left me
Shamed me
Hated me
Spit at me...
I cannot forget how it felt
To love my mother
And to be loved back.