I think the worst kind of feelings are the ones you can't explain.
Because they're too worrying a statement to pile onto your Year 11 English teacher on a Tuesday morning.
Too honest to even make it to her from your mouth which never dared speak those words before unless it had to.
And although you can be sat at home alone
with your head in your hands
telling yourself it's necessary to open up,
a matter of urgency,
when the time comes
and your teacher asks you exactly what you mean by 'I can't do this anymore'
you stare at your hands,
because it's easier to lie to them,
and the only words you can force from your lips are 'I don't know'.
Because the alternative to explaining
is letting it destroy you
and somehow that seems easier.
But still
as you lift your head and look into your teacher's eyes as she tells you 'you don't have to do anything, you just have to live'
you desperately wish she knew how hard that is for you
How something that comes so easily to her
is something you don't think you can manage to do anymore.