I try to feel
happy
I try to feel
glad

I try so hard.

I hide
the pain
I hide
the hurt

I hide it all.

I can't do it.
It hurts.
I can't hide it.
The pain.

I know I should be
happy.
I know I should be
glad.

I know I should.

I push it away.
The pain.
I push it away.
The hurt.

What do I do?
What should I say?
What can I do?

I cannot ask for
help
I cannot ask for
aid

I just can't.

Doing this?
Writing this?
It's not a plea.
This is a form
of expression.

I can express
how I feel.
I can express
what I feel.

Out there?
In the real world?
It is not
possible.

People talk over
me.
People walk over
me.

I do not
understand.
I do not
comprehend.

Why can't I?
Why couldn't I?

I do not understand;
the pain that I feel.
I try to comprehend,
but that doesn't help.

I try to live
in blissful
ignorance.

Ignorance of
my past.
Ignorance of
my life.

If I can make myself
forget
If I can make myself
stop

Does that make it
less real?
Does that make it
fake?

No.
The pain is here.
No.
The hurt is here.

Forgetting
doesn't stop it.
Forgetting
will never stop it.

Yes.
I will fight it.
Yes.
I will try to win.

Remembering
admitting it happened.
Remembering
knowing it was real.

I can work past.
The pain.
I can work past.
The hurt.

I can.
I will.
Why not?