I feel ashamed to complain since I see those older who have lived threw more
I feel for the young who know nothing else
still though with every heartbeat, I feel the blades move through it
every breath serves to remind me that I'm drowning
my brain feels distant, scrambled like static noise
my legs quit
my voice stops
my muscles tighten till they cant no more
I cry in pain tears snot everywhere
no longer in control, my body convulses
all the while I'm aware as if an act I can quit at anytime
that's the torture not the pain nor the judgemental eyes
but the clarity of mind to know what you're doing  but no control to stop it