I want but I feel I have nothing new to contribute, nothing of substance or worth. But, it is how I am, how I react, how I move, what I create on occasion that no one else can do. I want to do what no one else can do but I’m too lazy to work towards it. My self-esteem is in shreds and it is because I have become dependent. Dependant on drugs, alcohol, approval, men - superficial momentary highs that end in zombied depressive comedowns.

I’m too lazy to try. I hate myself too much, I’m too lazy and yet my ego is too big to work on myself. A wise woman once said: ‘U can never be loved deeply if you don’t love yourself’.