I fell in love again
it's still left
unsaid, but I know
because my credit
card bills are lingering
in lingerie sales and
I'm trying not to get too much
black
and I'm trying not to
think too far back and
I've been having these dreams
where I tell James to
*******
and I've been having these dreams
where the horses don't
dress like horses
the horses dress like
elephants
they own the streets
of Paris, of Indonesia, of Calcutta
and the all the Asian mothers
make a fuss
about feeding me
everything they've got
one says she can tell
brides should not be skinny
they should be happy
in their own skin
and I tell her
"no"
but she insists, she can tell
I'm empty-
bellied
so she fills me full of rice
and strange pickled vegetables
spice
like a summer morning
when all the lilies come to life
and outside I hear
horses screeching by
painted up, bejeweled and
shiny
crying horse-tears under their
elephant-suits
and I'm in no mood
to talk to the missionary
seated beside me
preaching at this foreign country
so I tell him I can see God
I tell him I can BE God
There's something divine
in just being alive
And then our plane lands
flat in St. Louis
and the dream ends
.
I'm awake
and starting to feel alive again
and maybe I'll tell him
how I feel loved
again