What tore us apart?
Was it the drugs?
You were always high on something.
Or you going out with a different girl every night?
You never slept alone.
You told me once you loved me,
I felt your breath fan my ear
And it felt like butterflies were roaming my stomach
But it took the breath from the kiss
For me to realize it was only the alcohol talking.
Was it the alcohol that tore us apart?
You were always drunk.
I didn’t care that you were 21
I didn’t care you’d been to prison
And I didn’t care that you could go back.
I tried to save you,
Tried to help,
But you were too far gone.
The sad thing is,
It took me too long to realize
That you didn’t want to be saved.
I almost destroyed myself for you.
Maybe it could have been different
Had we both been sober.
Sometimes it felt as though
You wanted me to let you go
But I refused to do such a thing
And I refused to leave you
Just like everyone else had.
Even though you ignored me
For days at a time
With no explanation
And it made me so mad
That I’d hit the wall
Until my hand was numb,
And my knuckles were purple.
Even though every time you went
To your probation officer
It made me so nervous
That I could have puked.
Even though you were bad for me
I wanted to be the good thing
That you actually tried for.
I cried for ages it seemed
When I realized it would never be that way.
Because how do you know
What you want to try for
When you’re so drunk
That you can’t stand?
Or so high,
That you can’t think straight?
Or maybe,
So far gone in someone else
That all you can see is them underneath you?
I’d still like to know which it was
That ruined us first
Or if it was a combination of it all.
But most of all,
I want you to look back
And realize that you lost
The one that would’ve stuck by you
Through anything.
No matter what happened.
Although I wish you
The best of luck with her.
I do ask you,
Not to come back
If she leaves when times get tough.