remembering sweating together the summer without cooler air. we ****'d, project'd insanity, then dispersed - true summer time girl. trying to rise, and - it's so hot in here in the middle of the night, at three ante meridiem. and - it's so hot in here as i drag'd an ice-cool'd rag from neck down back. and - it's so hot in here as the single open window vent'd our steam. and no one remembers hiding between the negatives. no one remembers their own foot placement. and i long for the discomfit of that oven-apartment, talking with her. and - just chillin' and drinkin' have become her life. thirteen on thir- teen and - i'm so tired in the sense of a Kesey character. to lose everyone when no one was there. - what the ****? why is this life not over yet? and being over this, over the readiness to die. conquer'd once, realizing the true deception at its reemergence.