i used to think i'd be here forever;
in a city that looks different every day,
in a house where i have my room to stay
i used to think i'd find my place here,
give the world around me meaning,
let my life unravel itself like ribbon
i think it's foolish of me to believe in anything
when all times i find how i'm broken,
how the lives around me keep on going
i feel left behind in this empty orbit
where the constellations won't show me home
or how to escape the woods
i think i shouldn't leave them,
i should stay here and leave myself to be wrapped-
choked by tree leaves and branches
i think it's best to let them cut through my skin like butter,
let them grab me and pull me closer
since no one else will do that ever
i think it's best to leave me to die alone
and let my body decay like dead palms
and let me be one with the earth again
i came from stars so i should make myself the ground
so someone has something to walk on
and i should flatten myself and all
i should make myself mean nothing
it doesn't last when i mean everything,
i used to feel so safe in my bed
i used to speak to him late at night there,
he used to see my face and hear,
my voice can't even be remembered that well
i think i try to fill his space with someone else
and i'm not even with anyone
i try to pretend i'll have someone
i think i've given him every reason to stop it
and i don't know exactly where his heart is,
it's long passed me and my absence
his absence feels like an elephant
and i can't stop myself from noticing it
sometimes i think i should stop my eyes from opening
sometimes i want to just quit loving him,
let this addiction be different from others,
it's hard because i cannot see the damage
sometimes i want to just quit loving him,
but wishing it’d end has never really been how
i think there's nothing left to do now