I cannot get into heaven
God I have tried!
Suicide is a double edge sword
Especially
When you survive!

Walking the streets at night
Dazed and confused
Longing to be loved
Wondering...
When is Mum
Coming for me?

"Does she still love me?"
"Does she still care?"
"Does she still think of me?"
"Does she wonder
Where I am?"

I want her to come find me
I want her to say
She 'loves me’
I want her to comfort me
I want her to take me home
And
Keep me safe
And not forget
That I exist
Like the way
She treats me now

I wish God
Could make my Mum
Magically appear
Making this hellish nightmare
On the street
Disappear!

“Send my Mum please!”
So
All this can end!
Before
This last ray of hope
Diminishes
For good!

I don’t want
To become
The walking dead
Forever forgotten
As if
I was never born!
For this
Is the cruel harsh reality
Of living life
Feeling unloved
Uncared for
Abandoned
Left
To fend for my own

A dangerous killer
Inside me
Eating away
At my soul
Something
No one
Can see
As
I suffer in silence
My insides crippling!

Lost
Alone
And frightened
Weeping
On a *****
Graffiti park bench
***** tears
Rolling down my cheeks
Stuffing newspapers under my jumper
To keep myself warm

“What am I going to do?”

“Will I make it through the night?”
“Will I get ***** and beaten?”
"Will I be left for dead?”
“Will I survive
To see another day?

“Is my life worth living?”

Please God
I beg of you
Have mercy now
Please
Show me the way!