12:15 AM it was over. finished and requiring no further complicity for another onslaught of banal narrative to be revealed just before my the half opened windows creaked. i sought the most deadly habit, against which she had warned.
12:17 AM **** it im out. but wait everyone is asleep. so take a flashlight with you dummy. no. the click makes too much noise. a lighter? NO! even worse. grab a phone in the remote chance that, while im alone, aside the ever-greening pool, she might call.
12:21 AM that stupid ******* glow-in-the-dark rosary! it ruins me every time and so does the 14th 16th, and 9th step from the bottom with their relentless creak. i should have learned by now their pattern but, then again, i only need it when nefarious action is in play. shame on me. my phone served as an appropriate guide (as long as it shone away from my parents door, of course) tip-toeing over the debris that still remains from a "successful" marriage i arrived at the back door. it has a trick though.
12:24 AM it depends on which way you are going but to eek out of it properly you have to pull in and THEN turn the handle. NO SCRATCH THAT REVERSE IT and vice versa. the out of doors is only slightly more liberating than being cloistered in a room bound by roddenberry. on this night however the night provided what might be considered by people in towns whose income centers around cattle feeding and slaughter breezy and cool environs.
12:26 AM where ARE those cigarettes?? **** it. a **** will do. traipse around the green until you realize you know where every piece of debris is you are stepping over the things that you cant see. surreal. ****. look up to ascertain your spatial coordinate figures.
12:30 AM **** it. again. some more. keep looking up looking at the flaming ***** of helium trillions of light years away and someone comes out they will probably think that you are just contemplating your own existence as opposed to the other...thing something that really has no name. the place between dream and reality this place, though, has a certain specificity no clarity i consider then what i am privy to
12:33 AM small dots above me. in a globular dispersion beyond what im told is that they are steadily NO rapidly retreating i am told all of these dots have more dots that i cant see that move around them and on those dots sentient things might exist might i know that I DO as well as i am able to ascertain
12:35 AM well ****. these dots these ******* white dots as they flee with their potential i realize [yet again mind you] that i have things that might be unique to me and only a handful of other things
12:38 AM if i were to ignore those statistically remote similarities here near me i would be as foolish as the pinball that believes it belongs among the bumpers i belong in a hole at least one that fits my shape. i am no pinball. but i live amongst those things that tell me what i know what i have known what continues to reveal to me the nature of nature.
12:48 AM startled i ***** my cigarette on the bench the bench my father and i once made for an family easter get-together withdraw with my phone again towards roddenberrys lair past the pile of old coats near the back door beyond the 52" plasma still playing a re-run of diners, drive-ins and whatever the **** shining the light away from my parents door i climbed the stairs. making sure to hit 9, 14, and 16 on the way up cursing myself at the top "you mind if i pseudo-rant for a bit while?" i smashed on the remote keys.