The tragic path to a self made torment is awakened in me. The inevitable remains paramount to death. Just as with those who cause me pain, I cause them pain as well. The Lost Vision becoming more lost. The undeniable lover questioning her motivation to stay. Such love I regulate within my heart. But still, the strength to carry on fades to black. The biggest struggle I possess at the moment is that of the Lost Vision. The greatest promise I intend to keep is driving the Lost Vision into madness. It fears my departure and careless nature, though through all the emptiness, I do not plan to leave the Lost Vision's life.
I've caused so much pain, so much worry and insecurity.
As if I've stolen a key to the door of their heart, never again to give it back. A prisoner in my own soul; a build up of guilt now from the inevitably caused pain to others from myself. The essence of God still not being discussed, for I wait for that perfect stranger still. He came once, but I lost him amongst the hopelessness. I strive to escape this hole I lie in. But now this hole has become my home, my wasteland, my reality. I can't apologize enough to you, the Lost Vision, for making you feel that I will soon depart. I can reassure you I am not leaving you now.
But still, I cause many people grueling heartache. I am given so much love, so much that it's nearly overwhelming. Yet I still dream of ways to throw it all away.
So many tears I shed over a broken mirror, broken in spirit. It lacks the ability to reflect my happiness. For happiness was also lost to the hopelessness. So for now I continue my days, waiting for the end of heartache.
(Cole...1-23-12...11:04AM)