I am tired
of feeling this way
and being like this.

I am so sick
of having these thing
living inside of me.
I should have tried
to get rid of it sooner.
But I let it grow
become it's own being
now it has a face
it has a personality.

I'm done being sad.
Of having gloom
draped around my shoulders
every time I get dressed.
I'm done with looking in the mirror
and seeing a monster
who I fight everyday
and always lose.

Paranoia.
Being unsure.
Always second guessing angels.
Being selfish.
Putting myself above others.
Knowing what I'm doing is wrong
and continuing to let myself
get wrapped up in a hopeless
situation.
It has exhausted me.

I am done burning.
I want to extinguish
the nest of flames that lap
under my skin
that have me thinking
the only way to relieve myself
is reach under the skin
and let the fire slowly trickle out.

I need to learn honesty.
I want to be a better person.
I need to stop kidding myself.
I want to let it go.
I need to let myself be happy.
I want to let you be happy.

I have the reassurance
that I don't know better
than the universe.
It knows where I will be going
and who I'll meet along the way.

I have the knowledge that
overcoming tyranny isn't easy.
But my willingness
to be happy is stronger
than any depression.
It may be tomorrow
it may be in ten years.
But it will happen.
Happiness will happen.

I'm still pushing against a boulder.
Trying to climb over
only to scrape at the sides
leaving my finger tips ******.
But I know I have something.
pushing me. Carrying me.
I have the hands of the angels
that sit on my shoulders.  
Elevating me and helping me
to get my footing.