If, Mother washed her pinny
And father never swore,
If, Jimmy went to the loo
Instead of on the floor,
If, Our Sammy didn't turn up
In his underpants for tea,
If, Our granddad would keep his flies done up
Phoo, that's an awful sight to see,
If, Gran's teeth refused to fall out
When she dropped off to sleep,
If, My sister didn't steal my razor
This beard I wouldn't keep,
If, That copper had only looked the other way
Our Robbie wouldn't be spending time in jail today,
If, Our Lucy had bothered to learn the facts of life
Eight kids wouldn't be here now causing so much strife,
If, We all stopped smoking ****
And swilling beer till we were sick
This family would be smart, very elegant and slick

Heather P Wilson..........http://www.heatherpwilsonpoems.com/