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Mar 2019
With tears on my cheeks,
feeling helpless all again,
Trying to making things work out together
losing myself a little.
I told you that I'll do anything,
I told you of my love forever,
I told you of deepest secrets,
How staying alone scared me off than anything else.
How only thing matters is a smile on your face
Holding your hand makes me feel safe.
I told you to come back,
and we can start again...
But you never did!!

I waited,
I cried,
I blamed the situation.
Still trying to figure out the answers to unresolved questions
wondering in the sleepless nights
When did it go wrong? Where did it go wrong? How did it go wrong?
But accepting the fact Maybe that's how it works.

Wishing and thinking what if things would be better
what if I hadn't done that one mistake,
Would you hold me back in the same way,
Come back to me in the same way
The happiness you use to give me was beyond the world
I still remember your face when we first met
The glow in your eyes like they are saying me something that your lips can't say
the way you used to protect me
covering my scars with clothes
giving me a shoulder to cry and sleep
Trying to give me the solution of my imaginary problems
you never got tired of listening to my thoughts..

But the happiness faded away..
like a flower who has lost its fragrance in the hands of the person who plucked it..
Maybe you didn't even have that fragrance
Maybe I am still living that unworldly dream.
Of being able to love and get it back

With the big smile on my face, fake or real
Standing strong I had ever before
Getting everything together and
making myself believe that it was something real
Maybe you don't have the fragrance in your hands
Maybe you got thorns,
which left you high and dry
Maybe it was not worth it
I am done explaining your worth
or Maybe mine to you

But no more blame game ever again,
I owe my mistakes for real
Because in the end
it's my choices and my consequences
Leaving the stuff behind
Trying to see the mask behind people
or to put on a mask if that's what is needed
To understand the pain or to hide it well
Saying it loud so that everyone can hear
I am PROUD to be myself like every person should
Sometimes the acceptance is the key
Maybe it was not supposed to happen
or Maybe not supposed to end the way I want
Still figuring out the mess between the two lines
Lowering my standards was a mistake
giving you a chance was one too
not hoping it would have been better if it has not had happened in the first place
but glad that I did happen
You gave me the happiness I had ever wished
the unforgettable memories which I am going to take it too my grave
You gave me the love I craved for...

But from now friends and family are people for me
the one who never let me down
listen my crap all day long
giving me that one slot of their time
that I always crave for
Maybe I will find the love I always crave for
but not in the person I am looking for
Maybe in the books, a cup of coffee or a late night walk
Maybe in the food cooked by mom and a warm hug of dad
May in the calls and messages of my friends
Maybe Someday I will find the love I always crave for.....
Written by
Dhillon  20/F
(20/F)   
134
 
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