Mar 2019
To show you what it is like to deal with this I'm putting you in my shoes for an entire day. It's 6:15 when your Papa wakes you up. You know it's time to get up, but your mind is telling you to stay in bed where it's comfortable and before you know it it's already 6:30. You're still in bed; the only thing you've managed to do is mess up your duvet, your Papa comes back and tells you to get a move on. After another minute or two of fighting yourself, you finally managed to get out of bed. As you groggily walk downstairs its quiet; too quiet. As soon as you get dressed and have finished up anxiety decides its time to come around and say hi. Anxiety glares you up and down looking for any minimal problems just to yank it.
Right now there is none. It lets you slip past his grasps for now. depression is still sound asleep in its bed; leaving you alone for the moment. You take your medications and walk out the door; praying that anxiety and depression find something else to do, the medicine acts like toys for the children at play. You do your double check to see if you're missing anything, luckily today you aren't. You throw your bag over your shoulder and walk out the door, on the way to war. As you enter the battlefields of the hall your head is spinning, it seems like anxiety has simmered down, and depression is still at bay.
You see your peers everywhere, and inside your head, you're thinking "Oh please nobody talk to me, I don't have time for a stutter now."
Someone comes up to you and says "Goodmorning McKenna, how are you?"
Your mind screams, "Crap! they caught me off guard, what do I do, What do I do!"
"Morning, How are you, good!"
"Crap! I stuttered. Now I'm gonna remember that all day."
You know what, ***** it. I'm done describing school Y'all should get the point by now. I'm skipping ahead.
Anywho, Anxiety doesn't let you forget your ***** up, and it was on your mind all day.
You get home, and depression has finally creeped out of bed and into your mainframe. You walk in the door, and you crash.
You scream and throw something across the room almost hitting something. Depression laughs at your face, and at how weak you are. You're bawling as it cackles at you. Calling you weak, unwanted, and how much of a mistake you are.
Luckily,
that doesn't happen every day.
Sometimes, you step in those doors; and you collapse out of emotional tiredness. You barely manage to drag your body to the flight of stairs that leads to your bedroom. You lay on your bed; drifting off into sleep; sometimes depression does that. It makes you so exhausted that you black out as soon as your head hits the pillows, making you sleep until 9 in the afternoon.
Other times depression gives you thoughts that could put you in the hospital for weeks if you let it.
Honestly, depression and anxiety aren't always easy to deal with.
Sometimes they're as simple to deal with.
Others they make me want to do things I shouldn't.
Honestly, I could walk the corridors of this school, and no one would notice that I'm dying inside, it's actually better that way. I don't want to drag someone else into my own fight, have them deal with my demons.
It's already hard enough fighting them on my own, the medicine does help, but most of the time it's up to me, and me alone.
So, everyone.
Welcome to my life.
Where each day is another fight.
Of a neverending war.
Right now there is none. It lets you slip past his grasps for now. depression is still sound asleep in its bed; leaving you alone for the moment. You take your medications and walk out the door; praying that anxiety and depression find something else to do, the medicine acts like toys for the children at play. You do your double check to see if you're missing anything, luckily today you aren't. You throw your bag over your shoulder and walk out the door, on the way to war. As you enter the battlefields of the hall your head is spinning, it seems like anxiety has simmered down, and depression is still at bay.
You see your peers everywhere, and inside your head, you're thinking "Oh please nobody talk to me, I don't have time for a stutter now."
Someone comes up to you and says "Goodmorning McKenna, how are you?"
Your mind screams, "Crap! they caught me off guard, what do I do, What do I do!"
"Morning, How are you, good!"
"Crap! I stuttered. Now I'm gonna remember that all day."
You know what, ***** it. I'm done describing school Y'all should get the point by now. I'm skipping ahead.
Anywho, Anxiety doesn't let you forget your ***** up, and it was on your mind all day.
You get home, and depression has finally creeped out of bed and into your mainframe. You walk in the door, and you crash.
You scream and throw something across the room almost hitting something. Depression laughs at your face, and at how weak you are. You're bawling as it cackles at you. Calling you weak, unwanted, and how much of a mistake you are.
Luckily,
that doesn't happen every day.
Sometimes, you step in those doors; and you collapse out of emotional tiredness. You barely manage to drag your body to the flight of stairs that leads to your bedroom. You lay on your bed; drifting off into sleep; sometimes depression does that. It makes you so exhausted that you black out as soon as your head hits the pillows, making you sleep until 9 in the afternoon.
Other times depression gives you thoughts that could put you in the hospital for weeks if you let it.
Honestly, depression and anxiety aren't always easy to deal with.
Sometimes they're as simple to deal with.
Others they make me want to do things I shouldn't.
Honestly, I could walk the corridors of this school, and no one would notice that I'm dying inside, it's actually better that way. I don't want to drag someone else into my own fight, have them deal with my demons.
It's already hard enough fighting them on my own, the medicine does help, but most of the time it's up to me, and me alone.
So, everyone.
Welcome to my life.
Where each day is another fight.
Of a neverending war.
