I always thought birthdays
Brought joy and happiness
But man.
Was I wrong.

Finally I was turning 13
I was finally a teenager
My Daddy was so happy with what he had planned
I don’t plan to forget it!
God, i was finally 13.
maybe i'll have one
decent birthday.
i was wrong
so very wrong
This was going to be the best day of my life
I was getting dressed up to head out
When I heard the car pull up.
It was a Mustang, 1967, black outside.
Red leather interior, 3 speed. Manuel.

my mother and i have always fought.
most nights it got physical.
we’d hit each other and eventually
i was pinned down on the ground.
i would pray that maybe this time.
we can set aside our differences.
to let me have
one
decent
birthday.
I got into the car with my black dress.
I was so happy that my daddy did this for me.
He always spoiled me on my birthday but,
I would have never expected this.
Driving around town showing off the car.
Then we went to our destination.
The Whitney.
it started off ok.
but it got catastrophic
we spent the morning making my cake.
it was watermelon.
i adored crazy flavours.
I had to go to the *****
And when I came back
I found out that my daddy
Had tipped the waiter to put a candle in my sorbet
And the piano man played happy birthday too.
the day went on
like any other day.
until.
that night.
After we finished my daddy and I
Rode around the city in the car
We went home where my cake was
Soon it was on my face (thanks daddy)
I smelled like frosting for 2 days.
i got home and then it started
my mother and i started.
it started with arguing
that led to screaming.
it got physical.
i was pinned down moments later.
seeing pinned down by your mother
and your brother.
You can’t understand.
That messed me up
To the point where I didn’t want to come home
Because I was petrified
I grabbed  a cupcake from the tray
After I was released from captivity
I sprinted to my room
I didn't want to live like that
I was so alone
It was just me in my own personal hell
I locked my door.
I looked down at my cupcake
I managed to croak out the happy birthday song
That may not sound so bad,
But I was saying
¨happy birthday to me¨
I ate my cupcake
I took the fork I grabbed
for some reason
And stabbed my legs out of anger.
I don't know what made me



I wanted to die.
Right There
Right now
I was crying myself to sleep that night
I wished I didn't wake up in the morning
But I did

God ******