..and sometimes i might ***** up cause i have problems. I have more problems than i thought i did cause apparently i'm not over it. I tell myself i'm not depressed cause i'm certain that i'm not but what if i am? I wouldn't be able to tell, falling into an endless well. I told myself i don't care, said i don't need him, don't want him there, but that's supposed to be my family. And i know i'm simply rambling because it doesn't mean a thing, but the thought won't go away in any moment i'm alone but of course i'm ashamed to say that it hurts. It's the pressure on my soul, the crumbling of my skull, i throw up a shield around my heart, it's impenetrable, i'll say. But naturally i'm trusting and so from time to time i'll let it down but the secret that i hide is that i'm constantly afraid that i'm letting in an enemy, as i'm sitting in my dark, i think if you're planning to rip my heart, can't you just do it from the start? I want to trust again but when the smallest thing happens, i go “look at you. You thought you could make a friend? We'll you're too vulnerable and you tend to let in the wrong people, just look! You did it again.” but i tell that voice to shut up, it's not worthy of my hearing, and i am trying my best to refrain from always fearing