I was pathetic
I knew it and so did everyone else
I tried too hard and wanted too much
To be liked, appreciated, noticed, or even spoken to
I could practically hear the internal monologue of the people I talked to
“God why is she here?” “She never shuts up!”
But I could feel it, deeply and vibrantly; I could be a great friend
I had the potential! I knew I could do it.
Until finally I met someone who genuinely enjoyed me
Someone who thought I was smart, funny,
And his eyes didn’t glaze over when I talked
And I did talk, endlessly about things like comics and books and cigarettes
I can still remember the beginning of that instant camaraderie
Its painted with the electric blue of his band t-shirts
Stained with the heavy scent of his grape cigars
And dotted with trips out on the town
But the universe must know about me
Because on a balmy summer night, right after the start of the school year,
Like the one we’d met in a year before
He was electrocuted, fell fifty feet, and announced dead on arrival
And even for someone who’d be friends with a girl like me
That seemed like overkill