I want to surround myself by something beautiful like a meadow overlooking a cloudy sky and crashing waves. Or the perfect amount of sunshine giving off the right amount of warmth to overcome the rough winds.
With flowers swaying back and forth.
Just like I remember in Santa Cruz.
The highway 1 coastline is pretty varied and eye widening.
A small smile is all a need. I just want to feel it inside. Mellowing and settling my turmoil insides. Just like a the ocean's water. I wonder if there is a calm before the storm.
How unsettling.

I wish I never heard the ambulance's sirens. It always reminds me of what maybe my untimely death. Is it possible to achieve your full potential  in life? Maybe we need those wasted days to learn a lesson.
Oh the circle of life ... The idea that I have to accept that as fact makes me feel so... Sad that it will one day be over if I'm ever happy.
It's so much better to feel like you want to die. it sounds so wrong, but I hate the disappointment so much, but after I'm dead it won't matter to me.
I will be gone.
That will be the end of me.
I will shut down, never to awaken.
No more to feel.
No more to see.
I will miss feeling the most.
It's like every one of my molecules move in a fluid manner swelling up and crashing down. The sensation is overwhelming, but it satisfies something. I'm not sure what that is.
Thinking of this made me cry.
I want to say what's the point of it all then? But of course it's to appreciate what I do have when I have it.
No matter what, to take it for what it is and how that reflects a different biological and neurological occurrence within our beings.
Elements and energy.