Visiting my mother every now and then is a blur in my memory
It had come to the point where  I did not even know if I  wanted to come home
But I  knew I didn't want to stay either
Tears rolled down my cheek every day as I stared out the window to pray to something
I was not sure was even there, and I am still not quite sure if that higher being may exist
I asked myself what I did wrong, and what I could of done differently
Now that I am a lot older I realize none of it was my fault
But still the thought of it happening again haunts me everyday
It is like a subtle pain you can not take away

It is strange how a childhood trauma could overpower any other thing you could ever become
No matter what I do now, I will always have those memories
I guess one could say it has made me a better person
But  it has also made me awkward and scared
Certain familiar smells make me want to run and scream
And hide so no one can ever find me
No matter how strong I have become, I still feel fragile sometimes
The feeling of anger and resentment overcomes me like waves
Crashing on a shore during a terrible storm
And I just want to go home

*Unfinished