I never put a banger,
Through an old ladies door,
At Halloween or any alternative time of year.
To the best of my knowledge.

I never bought those X-ray glasses,
For looking through girls clothes,
As advertised beside the Sea Monkey’s,
In the back of the superman comic.
To the best of my knowledge.

I never wanted to go,
When my mother broke up,
Our cowboys and Indians game,
On Saturday to send me off to confession.
To the best of my knowledge.

I never quite told the truth,
In the coffin room with the sliding hatch,
In case the darkly hidden man,
Dished out too many Hail Mary’s for penance.
To the best of my knowledge.

So,
I haven’t used pyrotechnics to frighten old women,
Nor used X-Ray glasses to spy on girls,
Nor told the truth in confession,
Nor I’m the most sensible of people,
Is this best of my knowledge?