I should feel like the world is at my fingertips
Like I can hold it in my hand like the ball of a lollipop
Absorb sweetness with a split tongue, since
I try to taste both Hell and Heaven
I try to make the pain delicious
And then men come running to my table
They want a piece of this;
Brokenness in the form of a likeable woman
They see cracks in my skin and know they can get one
I preserve pain and hurt like a Goddess,
Together we have a last supper with my bad experiences
And they decide which part they’ll steal for dessert
They desert me and together they forget me
And I remind them I can die so easily
But the men keep to their word once they leave
Why do people think they have all the time in the world
Or that their friends can’t die in seconds
Why do men make me their puppet
Why do people think they hurt no one
Or do nothing,
When they always leave someone
Always leave someone or be left
Drag or be dragged to death
Be or make a complete mess
I am messed up inside, I swear
Even Beelzebub could not wear and tear
Could not crack through the ground like I do
A heart of cement sits in my chest
Because stone cold me is best
And that is the only way to pardon with the Devil
He dances and bartends mixing serotonin levels
Making drinks, watch them poor out
I drink until my teeth fall out
Until my gums are numb and I can’t make a sound
And I think it’s funny, a smile without any teeth
The list of long days and weeks ahead of me
The long list of names that read like the blues
The times I fold at the sight of his shoes
Heavy black boots too big for my feet
A new dress made from a white bed sheet
I preserve pain and hurt like a beast,
I let it grow inside me like trees
The roots sprout tangled like cobwebs
Make themselves at home like he did
Like the dust bunnies under my bed
Like the dirt that fills holes in my lungs
My melodic way of coughing up blood
He runs his hand along my back to help me breathe
But that only makes it harder for me
And I’ve been broken in half since,
Because he is both Hell and Heaven
And God knows we both can’t have it all
Or maybe he knows I can’t handle it all
So I am given nothing at the most
He deserts me and a few days later he forgets me
And I remind him I can die so easily
But he keeps to his word once he leaves
Why does he think he has all of the time in the world
Or that his friends can’t die in seconds
Why does he make me his puppet
Why does he think he hurts no one
Or does nothing,
When he is always leaving
Always leave someone or be left
Drag or be dragged to death
Be or make a complete mess
I am messed up inside, I swear
Since he loves to shoot me down and leave me there
And crack a smile when no one else will dare
He has driven me into the pavement
And made me a fossil for his new collection
The few, independent women
Who he has turned upside down inside themselves
And makes me feel the worst things I have felt
And uses poetry to give himself a rest
The words read like song lyrics
He dances and toasts to new curly-haired girlfriends
His signature drink is a hopeless romantic
A heart of cement sits in my chest
Because stone cold me is best
And that is the only way to pardon with the Devil