I don't know what to type about,
It feels as if my words
Lost their meaning,
No,
They feel less,
Less than who i am,
Less than what im capable of,
Less than what i want them to be,
And less than what's expected of me,
Now everything feels less,
I don't feel like me just simply a phantom,
Me, being me, yet also never really me
Not anymore,
And i strain to think of what's changed,
And i realise,i havent and
The inner turmoil and guilt,
Has come from the fact that i can't changed
I just  always mindlessly lust after what's in front of me,
Wanting more
And more
Wishing for a late night with a beautiful girl,
When i already have one,
The one who I've promised my heart too,
And hers,
Mine,
But my heart almost feels as if it doesn't belong to me,
Or anyone, it simply chases and chases, never wanting to be still,
But the more my heart chases the more my mind embraces the guilt,
Never wanting to leave her,
But never wanting to stay,
Is this my heaven?
The burden i have from some god who's punishing me for my horrible deeds,
If so i dont know how much longer i can hold up the heavens,
Or how much longer the heavens can tolerate being near a sinner like me