Most people tend to look at me and see nothing but the mask I’ve created for myself
Not many can see what lies below
All they see is a shy, happy, respectful and innocent teenage girl
They think that I probably don’t have a care in the world except my grades in school
Its not true though
Shy and respectful? Ok, sure I’ll give you a bone and tell you that those things are true about me, depending on the people I’m around
But happy and innocent?
No way in hell am I innocent
I’ve hurt people, done awful things without even meaning to, said **** I’ll never forgive myself for
And happy?
I won’t say that I can never be happy
I was happy earlier today
But normally there are only a handful of people and situations that can make my broken heart swell with joy
Other than those moments with them.. I’m normally just numb
Not happy but not sad
Years ago I convinced myself never to allow myself to feel the one emotion that is needed in life
Love
And after I’d successfully kept that out of my life for a while, other emotions drained away with it, though they did pop up every now and then
I did this to myself
I numbed my own heart
I hand crafted a mask I only take off when I’m alone or around certain people
I let this happen to me