I have found
That my most recent
Words of prayer
Constitute
The most basic
The most raw
The most desperate
Pleases and
I cannots

I cannot
I cannot
Please
I can't
I can't, Oh God,
Help me.

I can't...
Feel alive anymore.
My substance has evaporated
Leaving behind a love-empty shell
My waking hours are so consumed
By fires of what-ifs and whys
My sanity burning away
Thick black fumes of tears
Choking my already dying desire to see tomorrow
To live any moment of this
Pathetically tragic existence

"Why do we even feel?"
I find myself crying into
The much-too-sick-of-me
Green woven prayer mat
Why do we feel
Why do I feel?
When all my emotions are inherently
Corrupt
Why do I feel if I'm not entitled to these emotions?

The wrath and anger
The injustice of it all sears into my skin
Burning flesh
Before it softens into grief
A shred of understanding
Grief, pain, sorrow
Hugging the bones of my ribcage
Trying or attempting
And failing so miserably
To contain the consuming pain

White hot flashes of pain
Washing over me like volcanic waves
Dissociating my un-alive personality
Going about the motions of my daily life
With unconscious duty towards
The important elements

There's no path leading back
I've taken it apart
One spoonful of earth at a time
Its gone
Sometimes, I see a glimmer
And I'm bestowed with false hope
Sweet hope
That maybe, perhaps
Just maybe
Mayhaps
Things will be okay


But they wont, not tonight
Not for a long time
Not forever
Never

She shrugged her tired shoulders
"I'm gone", she smiled sadly.

I am gone.