one day

i built a fire hot and wild;
and hid myself within it.
with coal fed coal and made it
hotter,
then lay myself down
and died

there in the heart
of my fire.

but that happened slowly,
bit by bit.

at first
i felt like i was
insulated, safe and warm -
strongest on my own

i wandered through my golden hall
where heat and color fused as one;
all i saw there was my own
built from sinew and from bone.

but then,
by degrees,
my heat began to weaken
and the flames no longer danced
as they did before.

coals still glowed
but ashes gathered,
blanketing
my heart

i curled up
i closed my eyes
i let the winter take me

+

and so it was
that,
later on

with whispered hush
and each step like a feather,
her footprints in ash
singing songs like no other,
steadily steadily
closer She came,
her shimmering figure
all glowing with shame.

She had no shoes.

She wore no garment
and draped no veil;
with nothing to shield her
and nothing to hide,
She walked to the heart of my fire
and died.

but that, too,
happened slowly,
bit by bit.

and
each drawn-out step
crystallized
a certain kind of agony
combined with purest joy.

her face
shone brighter
than my glowing coals
(blistered, bleeding feet ignored)
and when She reached
the dying center,
She smiled and wiped the blood away

and said,

"I love you more

more than the coldness that seizes your heart
more than the fire that surrounds it;

more than the dying,
the self-centered life,
and more than the wounds you've inflicted;

to love is to die
and dying, to live

my life for yours...                                
                 ...and now yours to live."

+

She curled up
She closed her eyes
She let the fire take her

+

one day

She built a fire warm and sweet;
She was the fuel inside it.
with love fed love and made it
spread,
from heart to heart's desire.

i wept at first
i thought i died
but then i saw my fire

spreading
growing
scented sweet,
a miracle of light and heat
and joining flame
to foreign flame
in wonder at the colors.

and i smiled.