I spent four years of my life
Laughing, crying, loving, learning, smiling, singing, breathing
With you
You were my first love,
My best friend,
My soulmate.

Then I fell apart and you left my life
Without saying goodbye,
You got someone else to say goodbye to me for you
At the time, I blamed myself
Because I knew my energy was toxic and destructive and dark and terrible
And everyone knows it's hard to be around someone
like that,
someone who begins to devote their life to dying.

A year went by
We didn't laugh cry love learn smile sing or breathe
Together at all
All we shared was silence.
You changed your name, you moved away, stopped talking to your family,
And declared yourself enlightened.

Yes, I did play the victim for a while.
I used losing you as fuel for my self destruction
I felt worthless, alone, used, manipulated
I felt like a discarded piece of toilet paper to be quite frank.
I looked for you in other lovers, but nothing came close
To the love we had.

A year and three weeks later,
You message me and say
Hi, come over, I just want to love you.

Why?
Why now?
If you didn't want me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
You don't even ******* know me
And I sure as hell don't know you.

For once in my life you are telling me to jump
And I am not saying "how high?"
I'm saying take a hike, pal
I have something you can't touch.

You're too late.