I've picked up a knife
pressed it against my wrist
but my hand
was not able to put the strength necessary
for the knife to go deep enough.
I've held a gun in my hand
pressed it against my head
but my finger
was not able to move.
I've gone to the tallest building I could find
sat at the edge and looked down in a trance
but my body
was not able to move forward either.

What is it about this feeling that is so scary but much needed?