I like the way the sun shines on your skin today, the way it never did for me. I like the way your hair blows in the wind, carrying your scent. I wish I could tell you everything I’ve wanted to this past year. the things we could’ve laughed about, gossiped about. Oh, things. all the things. I wish we still spoke; I wish we still joked. I wish. Why did we stop talking, was it my fault? Why didn’t you try, you did, but why not harder? I saw your mother yesterday; they seemed well. I wish I could catch up with them, the way I want to with you. I miss our talks, our rants, our walks. I wish we were still friends. but we were more than that we were practically sisters until I thought I was too good for you. I became distant from you. I gossiped about you. I wish I had just told you what was wrong. it’s not that simple though. how am I want to tell you what’s wrong when I don't even know myself? I wish I had told you everything. anything that was going through my head at that moment. I’m better off now. I have new friends, healthier relationships in some cases, not out of lust and envy, but love. I love them. my new friends. They make me happy, they can also make me sad. The can change my mood like deep space changes. They have called me unpredictable you know? that was a new one, I’ve never been called that before. but during the last year, a year without you, it's become a common subject of conversation. it’s funny, the most unexpected of people can call you the words you crave, to make yourself hurt. To relish in the pain. To give yourself some joy.