Why do I still want my ex back? She treated me like **** after we broke up. I needed her, not like I need a snack. No, like a drowning man needs air. Why do I want her back? I have a beautiful, exotic, compassionate girl pining after me. But I just cant get over her. I know how awful she treated me. I know how much damage she did to me and how I have just started to get better from it. I know all of this. But yet I am choosing the one who hurt me nearly beyond repair over the **** swimmer who is completely enthralled by me. What the **** is wrong with me? I have so many great things going for me. I got the job. I got my health improved. I have girls chopping at the bit for me. I am finally doing what made me happy again. I am finally dancing like no body is watching when ******* every body is watching. I love it. But something is missing. The girl that broke my heart is missing. Because she still ******* has my heart. Thats so ****** up. This is not some game of finders keepers. I should not be the loser weeping.  But yet for some ******* reason I still want her to be by my side through it all. Why the **** do I feel like I need her? I am such a better person without her. I can see that. Everyone can see that. But I still want her. Why. Why Why Why. Why do I hurt myself like this. I am fully aware I am hurting myself. But pain has never smelled so sweet. I keep trying to change who I am so I can trick myself into not needing her. I even changed how I smell for fucksake. I used to smell vaguely of apples. Now I smell like some manly ****** pine forest. I have had two women in my life hurt me to a point where I almost need to be institutionalized. Yet those two women are the most important women in my life. But yet I cant ******* let her go. Because no matter how much harm she does. I can not stay away. The good will ALWAYS out weigh the bad.