To the version of me that can wake herself up in the morning,
Don’t take that for granted.
Don’t feel satisfied with waking up.
Now you need to get up.
Don’t let yourself slip again.
Don’t be satisfied with this.

To the version of me that can shower without a checklist,
Tell me how you do it.
Is it true that you can motivate yourself?
Do you really wash your body and your hair?
Do you really want to take care of yourself?
Or are you just going through the motions?
Can you look in the mirror now?
Can you look at the scars?
Or do you still look down, and a little to the left,
To where everything is hidden?

To the version of me that doesn’t look up at her ceiling and immediately think of the hallucinations that drove you to sleep in your parents bedroom,
Do you still hide your meds?
Do you still gag every time you take your pills?
Do you still cry before every doctor’s appointment?
Or can you imagine a future where you are better?

To the version of me that can motivate herself instead of sitting there and staring,
Do you do it for yourself?
Do you still need elastic bands on your wrists to snap yourself in to motion?
Do you go to work everyday?
Or are you just making a living?

To the version of me that really feels alive,
Is it true?
Do you want this life?
Or are you still waiting for just the right time?

-momoka makalina