I am the only one who knows how lonely I am
How lonely I can be
How lonely I can get
Because blaming others and pointing fingers is not my thing
Yet

I am the only one who can feel the emptiness
Wanting, weary, to tip over and overflow my body with a scratched and deeply carved soul
How could anyone want something so delicate, so unmoving, so changeable and dark
too heavy to hold in my palm
And too light for the tip of my pinky finger

I am the only one who knows how lonely I am
Because I am lonely in the nighttime
Dwelling over people and faces and words and actions
That I could not change or take back
That I could not replace or fix
Because I cannot control anyone
Not even myself
Because my limbs decide they have hearts and feelings of their own.

I am a watery mess of invisible ribbon
Easing into the direction of the wind
Which hits me on all sides
Tossing my conscience around
My anxiety
My fears
My hopes and achievements
Until I can no longer feel the weight of my stomach
Grounding me to the floor
Because it won’t
It gives up and gave up
On my hopeless brain and body

I am lonely and sad and longing
And it is my fault
But thank you for listening
It’s hard to do that nowadays.