There can be too much
Overwhelmed
I can’t see
I can’t think...
There’s too much to worry about
Too much pain
Too many people
Too much noise
Too much light
Too much of everything

But there’s another side
Where there’s nothing
Nothing to think
Nothing to feel
Nobody there
Nobody to talk to
Nobody to save you from yourself

Or these monsters in your head
Because they never leave
Nothing feels right
Focus on something
Remind yourself to breathe
My heart won’t calm
My breathing is too rapid
I can’t see right
I can’t feel
Where am I?

I can’t breathe
I can’t see
I need help
I don’t want help
I want someone to talk to me
I don’t want to talk to anyone
I want someone to care
Why would anyone care?

But I always get yelled at
People get mad
For me thinking nobody cares
For me not being happy
For me relapsing
I try so hard
And I’m so sorry for disappointing anyways

There’s 2 voices in my head
Pushing against each other
Arguing constantly
24/7
Nobody can hear them
But they scream in my ears
And it’s why I can’t hear anyone else
I can’t hear them when they say they care
I can’t hear them when they give advice

But why?
Why me?
Why do I suffer?
Why do I feel everyone’s pain?
It’s not fair
I deserve pain
I deserve this
I’m horrible

But I could change
Shut myself away
Stop talking
stop smiling
Stop showing up
I could stop existing
But it wouldn’t stop the pain

So what would?
Could he?
Would he?
Or maybe just dying
Who would care?
Certainly not me
I would be gone
So who cares?
Why am I here?
Where is, “here”?