As a Christian they say you should never fear death if you know where you're going.



I truly believe that I have a place in Heaven, yet I'm still afraid to die.



If you will be patient with me I'll explain to you why.



See when I was 6 dad, you went to work...



the next time I saw you was at this address 6...4...0 North California St.



You never came home!!!



Aunty you went away for a few months, i knew you were sick but I figured you would be up on your feet in no time...



But in April of 2000 I met you at that same **** address as my dad  6...4...0 North California St.



You never came home!!!



Grandma you moved in with us and that was an experience i'll forever treasure.



I was with you everyday for a couple of years, you became like my second mom.



One day the ambulance picked you up and took you to Lodi memorial hospital...



That was were you stayed until the night you were transferred to that building on a corner,



the building that was becoming my second home 6...4...0 North California St.



You Never came home!!!



And brother the Doctor the said you were better, as a matter of fact we were told you would be released



within 2 days, but you died, you died the day after the good news...



You never came home!!!



It seems like as soon as I get comfortable, as soon as I get close to someone they are taken away...



**** YOU 640 NORTH CALIFORNIA!!!



You are getting close to everyone that I have ever truly loved!!!



Daddy you taught me how to love and except everyone for who they were



Aunty showed true love and taught me how to care for people even the ones who didn't deserve it.



Grandma you, you taught me how to relax... to just be calm and pray about things.



Brother you introduced me to a love for music and theater, you weren't only my brother...

but my source of happiness

although I didn't always admit it.



Every time one left, I connected with the next



Than when they didn't come home I connected with someone else...



Eventually no one came back home!!!!!



Now in my phone contacts I have a number saved, the number that connects to that now familiar address



6...4...0 North California St.



I have this contact in case one day you cant come home, Mom.



We've always been close...



One day I'll  have to say you didn't come home, A scary thought that crosses my mind more times a day that I



can handle...



Dear son,



      One day, I'm  sorry to tell you this but you'll be the one to say...



You never came home!!!



That hurts my heart to know that you'll hurt as bad as I have



This is why I'm scared to die,



I'm not scared because I'm not sure whether my soul will sink or fly



I'm afraid that one day my not coming home will be the reason that you cry